For the past 5 days I have been in Orlando with my oldest son for an epic mommy and Benjamin adventure. \u00a0Maybe it’s that he is starting kindergarten in the fall or the fact that I am exhausted after a week at Disney World and pregnant with my third, but the tears keep flowing on this long-distance flight tonight. \u00a0Ben is peacefully sleeping in the seat next to me and I can’t stop staring at his face. \u00a0He is my buddy, I learned what it means to be a mommy with him. \u00a0He teaches me about my humanity, my sin, my impatience, my failures every day, but he also teaches me that I can love more than I knew, that I can choose to be kind and generous with my affection and time, and that I am worthy to be loved.<\/p>\n
This week I watched him be scared at all the new, the rides, the crazy dressed up characters, the flight, the crowds of people – yet at every turn he found strength and bravery to take a chance and actually fight Darth Vader, ride the roller coaster, watch the fireworks he was so afraid of, etc. I am so proud of my buddy that he is willing to try new things and explore the world.<\/p>\n
I used to be like that, I am the girl who spent a semester in China, who has traveled the world a few times, met rock stars and dignitaries, has several degrees and has worked in several industries. \u00a0Yet lately with the daily battle of raising kids, running a house, paying bills, endless remodel projects, working, trying to connect with my husband, supporting his career – I have traded bravery in for a few more minutes of sleep or one more episode on HGTV, anything to relax and take a minute to myself. \u00a0But the truth is I have more anxiety than ever before in my life. \u00a0What if Zach and I lose our jobs and can’t afford our mortgage or bills? \u00a0What if the kids get really sick, what if Zach or I get sick or die suddenly? \u00a0What if I am really a terrible mom after all and this third kid will actually break me?<\/p>\n
This week I learned from my 5 year old that being brave means continuing to put yourself out there, it often comes with tears and reassurance from a loved one, but it is showing up and being willing to try the next new thing. \u00a0So my prayer is that I would be brave to continue to open myself up to where God leads next, to show up to see what new thing I should try and to not hide in my anxiety and miss things like dueling with Darth Vader. \u00a0Thank you Ben for teaching your mama something new again. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For the past 5 days I have been in Orlando with my oldest son for an epic mommy and Benjamin adventure. \u00a0Maybe it’s that he is starting kindergarten in the fall or the fact that I am exhausted after a week at Disney World and pregnant with my third, but the tears keep flowing on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27,"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26\/revisions\/27"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sonjaerickson.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}